Article at a glance
- Start the conversation when the person is sober and relatively calm
- Use specific examples and “I” statements instead of labels
- Ask open questions and listen for what they want to change
- Offer practical support and clear next-step options
- Set boundaries, reduce enabling patterns, and get support for yourself
Key Takeaways
- Choose the timing by starting the conversation when your loved one is sober, calm, and safe.
- Name the pattern using a few specific examples so the discussion stays grounded in observable behavior.
- Pick a first step (assessment, medical check-in, or one meeting) instead of trying to solve everything at once.
- Start with care by using “I” statements and avoiding labels at the beginning.
- Ask open questions to understand what alcohol is doing for them and what they want to change.
- Keep it specific by focusing on outcomes, safety, and day-to-day impact rather than character judgments.
- Offer practical support like helping schedule calls, providing transportation, or planning alcohol-free activities.
- Set clear boundaries around safety and respect, and follow through consistently.
- Reduce enabling by stepping back from covering consequences while still supporting recovery steps.
- Explore treatment options and match the level of care to the person’s needs and risks.
- Consider an intervention if harm is escalating and repeated conversations have not led to change.
- Consider sober living as an alcohol-free environment that supports routine, accountability, and stability.
- Get support too so you are not carrying stress and uncertainty on your own.
- Know when it’s urgent and seek immediate help if there are signs of medical danger or safety risk.
- Check the FAQ for quick answers to common questions about talking, boundaries, and next steps.
Before you talk: safety and timing
Some people can reduce drinking on their own, while others may have alcohol use disorder, which can involve cravings, loss of control, and withdrawal symptoms; if you suspect heavy daily drinking, stopping suddenly can be medically risky, so it may be safer for the person to talk with a clinician before making abrupt changes.
When urgent help is needed
If the person is intoxicated and has severe confusion, trouble breathing, seizures, or signs of alcohol poisoning, treat it as an emergency; if anyone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.
1. Get clear on what is happening
It is difficult to have a productive conversation if the concern stays general, so take time to name what you have observed and how it affects safety, health, work, or relationships.
Look for patterns, not one bad night
Patterns can include repeated missed work, unsafe driving, mood changes tied to drinking, ongoing conflict, broken commitments, or hiding alcohol.
Write down a few specific examples
Pick two or three examples you can describe in one sentence each, such as “Last Friday you drove after drinking,” because specific examples are easier to respond to than global statements like “You always ruin things,” and they help you stay grounded if emotions rise.
2. Decide what you want from the conversation
Many talks derail because the goal is unclear, so while “stop drinking forever” may be the long-term hope, a realistic first step is often smaller and easier to agree to.
Choose a first step that can be measured
Depending on the situation, a first step could be agreeing to talk with a doctor or counselor, completing an alcohol screening, taking a time-limited break from alcohol, attending one mutual-support meeting, or exploring treatment options together.
3. Open with care, not confrontation
How you begin matters, because a harsh opening can trigger denial, shame, or anger, and once that happens, it becomes harder to discuss behavior and safety in a practical way.
Use “I” statements
A simple format is: “I feel ___ when ___ because ___,” for example, “I feel worried when you drink and then drive because I’m afraid you will get hurt,” or “I feel on edge when you come home intoxicated because I don’t know what mood you’ll be in.”
Avoid labels in the first minutes
Words like “alcoholic” can be accurate in some settings, but they can also become a distraction if the person argues about the label; staying with concrete behavior is usually more effective early on.
4. Ask questions that invite reflection
If you are trying to understand how to convince a loved one to stop drinking, it helps to learn what alcohol is doing for them, because people often drink to manage stress, sleep problems, social pressure, pain, or untreated mental health symptoms.
Try open-ended questions
Questions that start with “what” or “how” often land better than “why.” Examples include “What do you like about drinking, and what do you not like?” and “How has drinking affected your week?”
Listen for “change talk”
Change talk is any statement that hints at concern or a desire for something different, such as “I’m tired of feeling this way.” When you hear it, reflect it back in neutral language: “It sounds like you’re noticing consequences you don’t want.”
If you want a structured, family-centered method for encouraging change without ultimatums, read our CRAFT plan guide.
5. Share concerns with specific, neutral language
After you listen, share what you have seen, keeping the language concrete and time-limited rather than global.
Focus on outcomes and safety
Instead of “You’re irresponsible,” try “You missed two mornings of work after drinking late, and you seemed scared about it.” When possible, link your concern to safety, health, or stability.
If the conversation gets stuck in defensiveness, our guide on talking to someone in denial offers additional language ideas and ways to keep the focus on next steps.
Keep the list short
A long list can feel like a prosecution, so choose the examples that best capture the impact and the risk, then pause and let the person respond.
Eudaimonia's Success Stories – Real People, Real Freedom
6. Offer support that is practical
Many people want to help someone with alcohol addiction, but the support offered is too broad to turn into action, so it can help to offer specific assistance that makes the next step easier.
Examples of helpful support
Support can include offering a ride to an appointment or meeting, helping research options, sitting with them while they call a helpline, or planning alcohol-free activities.
The National Institute on Aging suggests encouraging counseling or group meetings, offering to help with transportation, and remembering that progress may include setbacks.
Avoid taking full control
If you do everything, the person may feel pressured, or they may not develop their own commitment, so aim to support choices and planning rather than controlling the process.
7. Set boundaries that protect you
Boundaries are about what you will do, not what you will force another person to do. They reduce chaos and clarify expectations, especially when drinking leads to conflict or unsafe behavior.
Boundaries vs. ultimatums
A boundary might sound like “I will not ride in a car if you have been drinking,” “If you are intoxicated, I will end the conversation and talk another time,” or “I will not cover for you.”
Make boundaries consistent
If a boundary changes every time, it stops working. If you set a boundary, follow through calmly, and revisit it later when both of you are regulated.
8. Reduce enabling without escalating conflict
Enabling is any action that unintentionally makes it easier for drinking to continue. It is often done out of love or fear, so it helps to treat it as a pattern rather than a personal failing.
Replace enabling with support and limits
Instead of cleaning up consequences repeatedly, shift toward statements like “I care about you, and I’m not going to lie for you. I can help you find support instead.”
9. Discuss treatment options in concrete terms
Many people resist “treatment” because the word feels overwhelming, so it can help to describe options in plain language and let a professional recommend the best fit.
Common levels of help
Alcohol support can include evaluation and brief counseling in primary care, outpatient therapy or intensive outpatient care, medically supervised detox when withdrawal risk is high, and residential treatment for people who need structured support.
If supportive recovery housing is part of the plan, learning how sober living homes work can help you and your loved one choose a next step that supports long-term stability.
The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism describes treatment as including behavioral therapies, FDA-approved medications, and mutual-support groups, with options that can be combined based on the person’s needs.
For an overview of evidence-based options—counseling, approved medications, and mutual-support—see NIAAA’s guide to treatment for alcohol problems.
Offer a specific next action
Instead of “You need rehab,” try “Would you be willing to talk with a counselor this week to see what options fit you?”
10. Consider a structured intervention if the situation is stuck
Sometimes families try many conversations and nothing changes. In those cases, a structured intervention may be considered, particularly if drinking is causing serious harm.
What an intervention is (and is not)
An intervention is usually a planned meeting where several people share concerns and present a clear plan for getting help; it is not meant to shame the person or corner them.
If you are considering a more structured approach, Mayo Clinic’s intervention overview explains when interventions may help and how to plan them more safely.
Mayo Clinic notes that interventions can motivate someone to seek help and that careful planning and guidance, often from a professional, can improve safety and effectiveness.
If “my friend is an alcoholic”: protecting the friendship
Friendship can make the topic harder, because friends often fear losing the relationship, but friends may also be in a strong position to notice change early.
Stay connected without carrying the problem
It can help to talk about specific situations rather than diagnosing, suggest plans that do not center on alcohol, and keep your limits clear around intoxication, money, and safety.
Take care of yourself while helping someone else
Supporting someone with alcohol addiction can take time, attention, and emotional energy, and it can also lead to isolation if you are trying to manage the situation alone.
Support for family and friends
Support options can include counseling, peer support groups, and education. The National Institute on Aging points to groups for families and friends, such as Al‑Anon, and encourages seeking professional help if you are experiencing anxiety or depression symptoms.
If you are unsure what support can look like for you and the household, see our overview of family support in recovery for practical ways to stay involved without carrying the process alone.
For peer support designed specifically for people affected by someone else’s drinking, our overview of Al‑Anon support explains what it is and how it can help.
For practical communication tips and caregiver self-care reminders, review SAMHSA’s family support guide (PDF).
When to get immediate help
Withdrawal and medical risk
People with moderate to severe alcohol use disorder who stop suddenly can develop severe withdrawal, including delirium tremens, which can involve seizures and can be life-threatening. (my.clevelandclinic.org)
Violence, self-harm, and crisis
If there are threats of harm, domestic violence, or suicidal statements, it is appropriate to seek immediate help through emergency services or a crisis line in your area.
Next steps: turning a talk into support
A conversation is only one moment, so if the person is willing to take a next step, keep it small and clear, such as scheduling an evaluation or attending one meeting, and if they are not ready, boundaries and self-care still matter.
Eudaimonia Recovery Homes provides sober living environments that can support people who are working toward recovery and stability, and a confidential conversation with a qualified provider can help you review options and timing.
How Eudaimonia Recovery Homes Supports Sobriety
Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can support the goal of Helping a Loved One Stop Drinking by offering a stable, alcohol-free living environment once they are ready for change. Sober living can reduce daily triggers and give your loved one time to rebuild routines, sleep, and decision-making without the pressure of old drinking patterns. Residents typically follow house expectations, participate in recovery-focused activities, and connect with peers who understand the early weeks of sobriety.
That mix of structure and community can make it easier to stay consistent with outpatient counseling, medical appointments, or mutual-support meetings. For families and friends, having a clear housing plan can turn a difficult conversation into a practical next step, rather than an argument about willpower.
Eudaimonia’s team can also help coordinate resources and reinforce accountability, which can be hard to maintain inside a strained relationship. While no program can “make” someone quit, a supportive home can strengthen motivation by showing what daily life looks like without alcohol. If your loved one agrees to explore options, a confidential call can help you understand whether sober living is appropriate and what other supports may be needed.
Other Sober Living Locations
FAQ: Helping a Loved One Stop Drinking
How do I convince a loved one to stop drinking?
You usually cannot “convince” someone through pressure alone, but you can increase the chance of change by talking when they are sober, using specific examples, and keeping your tone calm and nonjudgmental. It can also help to offer a concrete next step, like scheduling a screening or learning about treatment options together. (alcoholtreatment.niaaa.nih.gov)
Can you force someone to stop drinking if they don’t want to?
In most situations, you cannot make another adult stop drinking. What you can do is communicate your concerns clearly, set boundaries that protect safety, and encourage professional support when they are open to it.
When is the best time to talk to an alcoholic about drinking?
A better time is when the person is sober, safe, and stable, and when you can speak privately without interruptions. If someone is intoxicated or in crisis, it is generally more effective to wait and revisit the conversation later.
How do I start the conversation without sounding accusatory?
Start with concern and curiosity rather than labels or blame. Planning what you want to say ahead of time can help you stay focused, especially if the conversation becomes emotional.
What should I avoid saying when talking to someone about their drinking?
Many resources recommend avoiding judgment, threats, lectures, and negative labels, because these can trigger defensiveness and shut down the discussion. It also helps to avoid arguing about whether they “are” an alcoholic and focus instead on specific behaviors and impacts.
What if my loved one says they don’t have a problem?
If the person denies a problem, it can help to stay calm and return to observable examples and safety concerns rather than debating. You can also offer information and leave the door open for support if they decide they want to make a change later.
What if the person doesn’t want help for alcohol addiction?
If they are not ready, you can still set boundaries, reduce enabling patterns, and seek support for yourself. Change can be a process that includes setbacks, so it can help to focus on what you can control: your communication, your limits, and your own support system.
How do I know if drinking is actually a problem?
Drinking problems are not only about how much someone drinks; they are often defined by the impact on health, relationships, responsibilities, and safety. If alcohol use is repeatedly causing harm or disruption, it is reasonable to treat it as a serious concern and consider professional guidance.
Is it dangerous to stop drinking suddenly?
For some people—especially those who drink heavily or daily—stopping abruptly can lead to withdrawal symptoms and may require medical support. If there is concern about dependence or withdrawal risk, a safer step is to consult a medical professional before quitting suddenly.
When should I consider an intervention?
An intervention may be considered when alcohol use is causing significant harm and repeated conversations have not led to change. Planning and professional guidance can improve safety and help the group stay focused on support and next steps rather than confrontation.
What treatment options exist for alcohol use disorder?
What treatment options exist for alcohol use disorder?
Treatment can include counseling-based approaches, medications approved for alcohol use disorder, mutual-support groups, and different levels of care depending on the person’s needs. A good starting point is a clinical assessment that matches the level of support to the severity of the problem and any medical risks.
Where can I find support or treatment resources right now?
If you need help finding services, SAMHSA’s resources can help you locate support and treatment options and identify next steps. If you are supporting someone else, it can also be appropriate to seek counseling or family support resources for yourself. (samhsa.gov)
